Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Hey Fatso

Photo Credit: Cribbe

The past few weeks have been rough for me. I won’t lie. Trying to get into shape is tough, trying to keep what little gains I have managed to achieve is even tougher.  For two weeks I was first away from home and without my bike and then on a cruise ship where I'm pretty sure the deck hands snuck into your room at night and fed you creampuffs while you were sleeping.

Why is it so hard to loose weight and so easy to gain it back.

This was brought home clearly to me yesterday as I picked my bike (the orange beast) up from my sister’s house where I had left it before going away and rode it the 2 miles home. This is not a difficult ride home. 15 min in I was sort of hoping someone would come along and perform a drive by mercy killing on me.

No really, I would be Tots cool with it.

As I was laying, gasping, on my bed after I got home I had one of those moments of cruel clarity where I am brutally honest with myself.  I try not to let this happen to often as I am really good at being really brutal.

I’m no good at being good to myself.

I admit it. I would much rather do the things that are bad for me, knowing they are bad for me instead of the things that are good for me. Even the things I enjoy like bike riding and going for walks.  These self-destructive choices are the same ones I make over and over again. I don’t know if the problem is that I don’t know how to make better choices or that I don’t really want to make better choices.  I know what the better choices are and still I choose (it is my choice)

I choose Lil Caesar's pizza over a healthy hoagie
I choose computer over biking
I choose blogging over going out walking at lunch
(I’m doing that right now)

How does one change? Truthfully I don’t know.

I have made peace with the fact that I will always be a Fat Guy on an Orange Bike. My struggle is keep from becoming a really Fat Guy on an Orange Bike.

It shouldn’t be this hard.

You can read Part II of this post here

1 comment:

  1. Well I at least appreciate reading the struggle

    This is like my struggle with academics. Always easier to surf the web than to try and solve complex (to me) math\physics\chemistry, etc problems